Every time I have a difficult message to deliver - a hard truth about where the company stands, an uncertain answer to a real question - I feel it in my body before I even open my mouth. There’s tension in my chest, and churning in my stomach.
And after I share my message, the rumination begins. Could I have said it better? Did they understand what I meant? Did I handle it the right way? I’ve sat with this discomfort more times than I can count, and I used to think it meant I wasn’t good at this.
But here’s what I’ve come to learn and believe. The discomfort is not a sign that I’m failing as a leader. It’s a sign that I care.
Research in organizational psychology tells us something important: when leaders go silent during difficult times – when they choose comfort over candor – they don’t protect their people. They abandon them.
Studies show that the absence of communication during a crisis doesn’t create calm. It creates a vacuum that fills fast with fear, rumors, and with the worst assumptions people can imagine.
The most effective leaders, research tells us, are not the ones with all the answers. They’re the ones who stay in the conversation, who communicate with frequency and honesty, even when the message is hard, and who acknowledge what they don’t know alongside what they do.
In difficult times, people don’t need a leader who is always certain. They need a leader who is present.
I know that not every message I’ve delivered has landed well. I know some conversations left people more unsettled than I had hoped. I know I’ve walked out of rooms wondering if I said too much, or not enough.
I also know that my team has never had to wonder where I stand, and what I believe.
I do my best so they don’t have to fill silence with speculation, and never have to read between the lines of corporate speak that says nothing. I try my hardest so they don’t have to face uncertainty alone.
I do my best and hope that, through honest communication (even imperfect honest communication), I’m able to build the kind of trust that polished silence cannot.
To the leaders out there who are carrying the weight of a hard conversation right now and rehearsing the words, dreading the reaction, and wondering if you’re doing enough – just keep showing up.
What has helped you find the courage to communicate honestly, even when it’s hard?